Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.

Break ups are hard… really hard. Paralyzingly hard.

It has been well and truly an on and off relationship I have had for the past ten years that has reached a point of no return. I must end things and this time for good. I can’t keep lying to myself that things will get better when I know they never will change.

Yes I admit there are times I could have given a lot more in this relationship. At times I have been self-centered and lazy because I always toke it for granted that you would be there for me. Many times I priortised my friends, others, bed, TV, cleaning… well let’s face it basically anything when I didn’t feel up to seeing you. I would go through stages when I was really into you for a few days and then I ignored you sometimes for weeks at a time… occasionally for months. At the end of the day though I just don’t care about you anymore, maybe I never did care for you.

It is not you. It is me. I have changed. I am being honest to myself and I have no regrets this time. I have to let you go. I have to let the guilt go. It just didn’t work out.

Tomorrow I am canceling my gym membership.

“I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.” (Kim Basinger)

What is intuition? What does it mean? Does it really exist? Is there such a thing as female intuition or is that just women acting deranged for a week every month?

Intuition is, essentially, arriving at decisions or conclusions without explicit or conscious processes of reasoned thinking. I seriously do this all the time!

It is sometimes thought that intuitions are reliable, and indeed we do act most of the time without knowing why or what our reasons may be. Like when you are driving and you decide to go a slightly different route because you just do. In philosophical terms intuition is a term which denotes the alleged power of the mind to perceive or 'see' certain self-evident truths.

Intuition is furthermore the ability to get a sixth sense, vision or feeling about someone or something through symbols, feelings and emotions. It usually does not speak to us in clear language. 

We all apparently have intuition. We are possibly born with it. We use it as children when we do not know any better. We go on our instinct or gut. But as we grow older and our rational and reasonable mind develops, we lose touch with our intuition/crazy thoughts. We ignore it, cast it aside forget about it as it just does not appear rational. But like an out-of-shape muscle, intuition can be strengthened and exercised (thankfully not involving a gym) back into shape.

Women accordingly have a “stronger” intuition then men. They sense things on a deeper level particularly when it involves their children, partners or family. They just know when something doesn’t sit right.

What is your intuition telling you?

If it is screaming something at you then maybe you should just listen to it.

*Mine is whispering red wine right now.

Pink is not just a colour. Pink is a lifestyle choice.

My love for the colour pink has at times been taken a little too far. At one stage I even drove a pink car – Celeste may you rest in peace! If pink is ever an option then it is pink I go for. Pink digital camera, pink mobile (RIP too little baby), pink Ipod Nano, pink GHD (God of straightners)… I have even resorted to buying pink garbage bags and pink clothes pegs (hey they support breast cancer research alright!).

Slowly I have been making some minor progress in shedding myself of the pinkness. I guess my life is changing and I don’t want to be stuck in a rut of pink whilst showing no compromise. I do things in baby steps and one of those steps is allowing the classy act of black to come through in my major purchases. Given I am the type of person who stews way more over the purchase of a mobile phone then over an investment property, buying a black cell was a big deal for me. I know that eventually when the trusted PC gets traded for a new whiz bang Mac that pink will not be an option - I have accepted that it is just not appropriate.

Having said that I am having an extreme lemming for a pink watch at the moment and I really don't know why. My shopping ban is still in full force and I have not bought a single item of clothing since October 1st (so that would be a month!). This is unheard of progress at shopaholics anonymous. I don't even like wearing watches but maybe this ban is making me go loopy. I really hope Santa comes a little earlier with a bulky hot pink watch for me. I promise I have been a very very good girl most of the time!

A Non-Conventional Style Icon: Olivia from Jersylicious!

With tonight being Halloween I thought an entry on one of my new style icons would be called for. Lately I (and every person I know with pay TV) have been obsessed with Jersylicious!

It is a reality show about a group of Italians who work in a hairdressing salon in New Jersey called the Gatsby. It is not to be confused with Jersey Shore – that is all about Snooki! One of my favourite parts of the show is the ongoing feud between two “characters”: Olivia and Tracy. Olivia is one of the beauty therapists and Tracy is a hairdresser. I am not sure why they venomously hate each other and how it all began but without a doubt every episode involves them attacking each other. Last week’s particularly brutal episode involved Tracy losing all self control when Olivia started dating her bodybuilder ex-boyfriend. *I will never understand why girls fight over guys for!?

I am definitely Team Olivia and am loving her outlandish in your face style. It is soooo not me and I would probably never ever wear what she wears unless of course it was to a fancy dress party. Nevertheless I can appreciate her ghetto glamour, her over the top accessorizing and her smoky eye/fake tan combination!

You say that you love them, take their money and run. Say it's been swell, sweetheart, but it was just one of those things, those strings, those flings, those strings, those flings, you've got to cut.

I am a secret Jessica Simpson and Jewel fan (*sorry Dee) and discovered this randomly . Yes Jessica looks rather silly when she sings but if you just listen without being overcome by her mouth it is a super powerful song. I love listening to songs but more so because of my love of lyrics. Whether it is Bon Jovi, Kylie Minogue or Eminem. The word is more important then the beat.

Ever since one hit wonder Jewel wrote her book of poems titled A Night Without Armor my love of poetry resurfaced (how tragic is it that it had to come to that!). Yes take me on a direct line to Nerdville via the express train stopping no stations. I don't sit by the window and read Jane Austen style (maybe one day I will?) but I have a revitalised appreciation for the old classics of poetry. In the so called mainstream "normal" world that would be the same as saying I really like the lyrics of that song because I can relate to it. As I was doing a bit of real life work related research I rediscovered a poem by Pablo Neruda. I had actually first read this poem when I was in high school and needless to say I didn't really have the life experiences to appreciate it then. It is a nice read now though.

If You Forget Me 

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Love is nothing in tennis, but in life it's everything.

You know how those super fit (crazy) people are always preaching to do some kind of physical activity that you love... well mine is tennis. I have been playing since I was eight years old. Many many endless hours were spent hitting a ball against  a brick wall in pursuit of the ultimate forehand pretending to verse Steffi Graf (is anyone but me still in shock that she married Andre Agassi?). I can also play tennis for hours and not get bored... wish I could say that my relationship with the cross trainer at the gym was as endearing.

A few years ago I did a comeback aka Martina Hingis style. I joined a club and a suburban midweek  mix  doubles competition. The first thing I did before my big return was invest in some absolutely essential tennis attire. This comeback happened to coincide with the new release of the Stella McCartney Adidas range. I happen to also have a wonderful bestie who works at Adidas and receives some very nice discounts!

Stella's Adidas range just keeps getting better and better in my opinion and even if I didn't play tennis I'd still want to wear it. I just know that it makes me a better tennis player.

Now if only someone could let Serena Williams know about the Stella range perhaps she wouldn't horrify us tennis lovers with such shocking attire... heck I'll lend her my VIP card if she wants it.

Being a nerd really pays off sometimes. (Ken Jennings)

One of my favourite movies growing up was Revenge of the Nerds II. I don’t have to try hard to be a nerd I think it comes naturally funnily enough. I wear glasses, I visit the local library on a weekly basis, I love Maths tests (with delight I got a copy of the recent Year 9 national benchmarking test for numeracy and did it for fun!) and as blasé as I may appear sometimes I really don’t like getting in trouble by anyone.

It should therefore come as no surprise that I am currently loving the geek chic that I am seeing on blogs and in the celeb world involving the infamous massive black rimmed glasses. For once I am well and truly ahead of the game as I have had my nerdville black glasses for years now!

On a slight tangent I recently stumbled on an ultra fashionable lady known as B.Jones and am so loving her timeless take on geek chic and ladylike femininity! She is a stylist based in Orange County (USA) who incorporates a lot of vintage style. Loving her blog at the moment and the way her outfits look so finished and perfected.