Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.

Break ups are hard… really hard. Paralyzingly hard.

It has been well and truly an on and off relationship I have had for the past ten years that has reached a point of no return. I must end things and this time for good. I can’t keep lying to myself that things will get better when I know they never will change.

Yes I admit there are times I could have given a lot more in this relationship. At times I have been self-centered and lazy because I always toke it for granted that you would be there for me. Many times I priortised my friends, others, bed, TV, cleaning… well let’s face it basically anything when I didn’t feel up to seeing you. I would go through stages when I was really into you for a few days and then I ignored you sometimes for weeks at a time… occasionally for months. At the end of the day though I just don’t care about you anymore, maybe I never did care for you.

It is not you. It is me. I have changed. I am being honest to myself and I have no regrets this time. I have to let you go. I have to let the guilt go. It just didn’t work out.

Tomorrow I am canceling my gym membership.